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What’s keeping me from achieving my goals

whats keeping you

Elizabeth from Delightfully Tacky wrote a post back in July about goals and dreams and it got the ball rolling in my mind. Even if it did take me almost a month to get my act together to write about it.

What do I really want to do with my life? Ugh. Sometimes I hate being so adult. But really I’m 25 and I feel like I should have a clear idea in my mind about me, and what I like, what drives me, and what I want to be doing. But I don’t really.

When I finished high school I had no idea what I wanted to do. As a teenager I’d gone through a few career wants but nothing really stuck. I saw a career adviser when I was nearing the end and he suggested a course for me to do. This was my first mistake. I was so happy to have someone tell me what I should do that I didn’t think about it any further. I took a year off and worked as a swim teacher, I went to uni for 3 years and only at the end of that time did I start to think ‘oh hey, so now what?’. My course was VERY open ended. The course guide stated at least 15 things that you could do upon completing the course.

Year 12: Mum and I

Year 12: Mum and I

When I got to the end of my degree (a bachelor of arts, with a media and communications major) I wasn’t excited. I didn’t feel that I had actually achieved anything because I didn’t have a job or a direction. This was the first time that I started thinking about what I was good at. I settled on being organised. I was good at that. I could do something with that. So I started a cert III in event management, which seemed to fit.

Bar class at TAFE for events

Bar class at TAFE for events

 

Or not. Yes I liked organising, but no I didn’t like phone work or crabby clients. I also got a terrible job in the tourism industry at the end of those 6 months which turned me way off. Noooww whaaaaaat?

Work play.

My current workplace

So I went back to working with kids. The swim teaching, and another job as a party host had showed me that working with kids was pretty damn fun and something that I was pretty damn good at. But now I’m nearing 2.5 years working as an out of school hours care coordinator and I’m over it. Again. I hate not being paid sick and holiday leave. I hate having to look for other shifts every school holidays. I am annoyed at the lack of organisation within the company.

I hate this.

So I’ve blathered on about work goals, but to me if you’re doing something 25+ hours per week then you better damn love it. There are other goals; some of which have been achieved like buying a house, and some which need to wait; such as becoming a mother.

Our little house

Our little house

What IS keeping me from achieving my goals? Probably a lot of it is fear of the unknown. Maybe I want to do activities with people living in aged care? Maybe I want to open my own play center? Maybe I want to get into visual merchandising?

And a fear of failure. What if working with the elderly isn’t anything like I think it will be and I’ll have to change jobs again? What if I open a centre and it fails and nobody comes? What if I end up setting up windows for Katies?

I’m guessing a lot of it also is that I don’t really know what I want. Everything has it’s positives and it’s negatives. And the other thing that plays on my mind is that I wish I had have thought more about my strengths and likes before now. I could have saved myself 3.5 years of study. Not to say that I didn’t learn anything from my time in further education, but maybe it would have been better spent doing a visual merchandising course. Or a diploma of children’s services (at an actual university or tafe, rather than awkwardly through).

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But even though some of my goals haven’t been met, I need to remind myself that it’s ok to be where I’m at. There are a lot of things in my life that are pretty damn great. And even if I’m not sure what I want to do career wise, at least I have a job. Emma from A Beautiful Mess wrote about changing dreams and it made me feel better, especially when she said “You are not a failure. Even if you’re feeling like one lately, please know I’ve been right there with you. I believe in you. You should believe in yourself”. Thanks Emma.

 

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Look what I made: All the things edition

Lately I seem to be on the biggest craft kick. I have a million things I want to do and make, but more importantly I’ve actually been finishing projects. Not starting and then abandoning, or (and this is the worst) just pinning or writing down an idea and doing nothing else with it.

First was a frame to display my drop and hoop earrings. There’s plenty of ideas with lace or wire strung across frames, or just a piece of sheer fabric stretched to hook the earrings in, but I found the perfect solution with a crocheted table cloth my Grandma gave me. I love crochet. I do. But as a tablecloth, nope!

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It worked out extremely well. Easy to hook the earrings in, so simple to display, and the frame was even lighter than I thought because I forgot about removing the glass.

Second project was the completed catch-all crocheted from builders line. I had a little issue with the edges (they rolled in on themselves) but it turned into a ‘just go with it’ moment as I had passed the point of no return. A catch-all plate is perfectly acceptable.

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Third project was a knitted pixie hood. Pink Brutus had a very cute and VERY easy method to knit one up.

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I’ve noticed I have a ‘thing’ with knitting or crocheting. If the wool looks appealing I’m 100x more likely to keep at it and finish it in a reasonable time frame. If not I really have to force myself to get it done. The mustard colour of the wool and the natural wooden knitting needles kept my happy meter right up there and I got this project done in about a week. IMG_1561

It also has plaited tassel/cords which are hidden under my hair.

Lucky last was a large, but actually quite simple one. A macrame screen for the back door.

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Emma from A Beautiful Mess made a beautiful macrame screen for her study, which I adapted to be an insect screen for our back door. I know it’s not going to be perfect, but I’m sure anything is better than the wide open space that we currently have when our back door is open.

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The worst part was cutting up and attaching the cotton cord to the dowel. I’m pretty sure, even after measuring the pieces against each other, that each one is different. The macrame was dead easy, I used this tutorial here, but the ends leave a little to be desired. They’re all different lengths, but y’know what. I’m not perfect, life’s not perfect, so these ends aren’t perfect.

Nicole

 

 

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Personalised notebooks

My brain is pretty terrible at remembering things unless I write them down. In high school and uni I studied alot of the time by re-writing my notes. It’s just the way I work. Even today I write myself to-do lists (often on my hand which so grown up, I know) otherwise it will just seep out of my brain.

paint splattered notebook

At the beginning of the year I decided to personalise my own calendar/diary for 2014. I bought a hard cover notebook, painted and splattered the front and back covers and finished it off with a coat of clear sealer. It was so much more me. It fit my needs because I made it. I decided what I wanted on each page, how to write up the date and days of the week and how much room I wanted to leave for other things. It’s been great so far, except for my inability to do maths which lead to having to re-do the placement of each week as not all 52 weeks fitted.

Incidentally this video has some pretty shrewd ideas for creating a calendar/diary out of a plain notebook.

After seeing some very cheap A3 visual diaries advertised in my favourite store Kmart I snapped them up with the intention of turning them into something similar.

Elsie from A Beautiful Mess and Natalie from Smallest Forest both had some really great ideas for creating and personalising ideas journals, and as always Pinterest had it’s say.

paint supplies in the sunA brilliantly sunny day, watered down acrylic paint and untouched paper combined to become an ideas journal for my future business.
Two images of watered down paint
I dipped the corners of a journal and some blank greeting cards into the painty water and then cursed as the pages blew all over my back deck.

But at the end I had two plastic containers that were still full of the paint water. Do I tip it on the garden? I’m not sure that plants really like paint. I shouldn’t tip it down the drain. More paper? Yes!

I unraveled what was left of some brown butchers paper and then splattered the remains of pink and blue liquid all over. Then I again cursed as the damn wind snapped the paper up and down, flicking blue paint all over the side of the house. Goddamn it!

pink and blue splattered art

Last but not least the cover. The journal came with a black plastic cover (and a super annoying sticker that refused to come off) which was the perfect canvas for some silver paint pen. My paint pen may be a little wrecked from using it on cork tiles, but by pressing the tip into a small dipped section of the lid I managed to create a sort of ink well and use it like that.

Journal cover with rabbit images

It always has to be bunnies.

blue dipped journal pages

Opened journal pages with blue dip

After showing off mine to Matty he said he wanted one that “wasn’t so girly”. Is paint dipping really girly? Anyway, I left his pages blank and only artified the front cover. Some lines and a paper airplane. Simple.Airplane journal cover

Nicole